Working has been part of my life, ha ha! But working too much can be a headache. Well after my 4 days trip to Hongkong which ended up quite a tragedy, I have been working straight all the way, oh well exclude the 4 days I took leave, because my grandpa passed away. =( I missed my grandpa, though I have not been seeing him that often as my sister does! My sister is there like not exactly 24/7 there, but somewhere near there to talk to him etc...
And me???? Shit, I should say FUCKING SHIT! Shame on me. I was the stubborn and almost lyke you have to force me to go see him thing! I am never automatic. I am so damm useless!!! And how many times have I visited my grandpa when he was in the hospital??? Twice!!!! The first time was when he was warded to the hospital! And the second time, I don't even say it is called a visit... should say because I am having lesson very nearby, that is why lan lan have to go see him and no excuse for that! Which made me feel so bad! Wokie, skip the hospital thingie... What about when he was discharged from the hospital???? DID I VISIT HIM OFTEN??? Almost countable... 3 times???? I know I am some kind of FUCKING SHITHEAD!!!! I visited my grandpa just 3 times after he was discharged from the hospital!!!! Shame on me!
Yeah, I am an Aquarian. This is my character! But that is not even AN EXCUSE TO GIVE!!! Who the fucking shit care about your horoscope???? What has it got to do with it???? If your horoscope says you are not filial, so are you trying to go tell other people or even your dear grandpa that, "I AM SO FUCKING SORRY, MY HOROSCOPE SAYS I CANNOT BE FILIAL SO I AM NOT GOING TO SEE YOU!" Is that it???? I am asking myself what have I done as a grand-daughter for my grandpa. NOTHING! Absolutely nothing of that shit! I think the longest time I spent time with him was AT HIS FUNERAL!!!! Ha ha ha!!! You can all laugh it out!!! Imagine that... spending the longest time, and the longest hour in history with your grandpa... HIS FUNERAL!!!!
What am I suppose to say for myself.... A more willing party or what? Anyways I woke up at 10am while my parents were already there at 7am. Well they have to take over my uncles who have stayed up overnight to watch over. I felt bad, I know I did help out throughout, but I think I made things like worse! I just don't feel like serving those relatives of mine, because I hate them and how they treat my family, compared to my cousin's family... My family has been treated unfairly and it is so damm unfair!!! Why??? Just because my father did not voice out, so which means what??? Can bully him meh??? Fuck them!!! Don't fucking tell or give my family irritating comments and teaching us what to do. My aunty and the maid did nothing much to contribute... Oh yes they did!!!! Give comments, give instructions and did nothing to help. And we as in my family, did most of the task. Hey! Aren't you his daughter???? And what, you are a christian and cannot touch the paper money??? Please lah, for the sake of your father who ain't a christian. Folding paper money is like folding paper oragami... No one ask you to burn them... just fold!!!! Anyways aren't we the ones who burn em'???? Anyway the maid makes no difference! The maid was like complaining.... "You are coming here to work and help out. Do you think I want my grandfather to die???" As if I like the feeling of folding millions of paper money. But if I didn't contribute anything when he is alive, I shall contribute during his death... At least do something. Yeah, I know it is too late for anything... but at least I am not whining!!!! Just that I did not like to serve my relatives from my father side as they are such an asshole. Some of them are nice only.
Anyway I miss my grandpa very much. Always remember and loving you! (Though I never show it, but inside my heart I love you!)
Break??? but I just got here :)
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